I find that I have been getting angry recently. I have been getting irritated and frustrated by many things: by current events, by the news, by some relationships, by social distancing, by masking, by physical limitations, by constant complaints and counsels of perfection. There seems to be no end to the problems of our human condition. I decided to explore my archives to see what I have written about anger in the past.

Anger has been present since the beginning of the human race. We read that Cain was very angry with his brother Abel. God questioned him: “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it” (Genesis 4:5-7).

The thought is father to the deed. Cain’s anger leads to his murdering his brother. The question God asks Cain is always the question we must answer. “Why are you angry?” When we fail to deal with our anger, it will result in destructive behavior. It will come out in irritation, frustration, and transference to others. Or, if repressed, it will go inwards to self-anger, in which the negative feelings result in depression. Either way it results in destructive and unhealthy effects upon our ability to relate to others.

Cain takes out his anger at God on his brother. At the heart of our anger is a sense of grievance, that life is unfair to us, that we are being taken advantage of, that others are not treating us as they ought. We want that person to be punished and removed from any further opportunity to hurt us. We think that their removal, their death, will bring us happiness. We feel that we are being inconvenienced by that life, and that we will be free if they are eliminated. We want them to die for us. Jesus tells us that the way of happiness, the way of freedom, the way of mastering our anger is to be found in the Cross, where God dies for us, and we are meant to follow his example in self-sacrifice. “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” (1 John 3:16)

So much of the violence, and the murder, in this world, is due to anger that has been allowed to control people. A gang of armed young men broke into the house of a friend of mine, Ben Kwashi, who is archbishop of Jos, Nigeria. They wounded the gateman, knocked his two sons (19 & 7) unconscious, and beat and tortured his wife, Gloria. He was away in England at the time. She recovered after surgery. He emailed us his gratitude for our prayers and he said that “our sufferings and specifically the humiliation, blood, tears and pain of Gloria may result in great revival that will bring tremendous glory to God and to the Kingdom of Jesus Christ.” His response was not revenge, and the encouragement of the cycle of violence that is afflicting Nigeria between Christians and Muslims, but prayer for a faithful witness to Jesus.

I can remember, some years ago, exploding in anger at home over something trivial, out of all proportion to what was happening. It was a symptom of something going on in my life that I was bringing home from work. “Why are you angry?” was the question which I needed answers to. I made an appointment with a counselor to explore the cause of my anger. If I didn’t find out, the sin, which was crouching at my door, which desired to have me, and cause me to be destructive of my relationships with others, would master me. It would either kill me, through anger, depression, or other stressful behavior which would result in a heart attack or panic attack, or it would destroy my effectiveness in my job.

Anger can be caused or triggered through frustration or hurt. It is the consequence of frustration or the blocking of goals. When you desire something strongly and cannot get it, you become angry because your need is frustrated. We become angry when we find ourselves in conflict between what we want to do with our lives and what we perceive others want us to do. We find ourselves having to choose between our goals and their goals for us. We resent their expectations of us. This is the source of anger between parents and children, between employer and employee, and between ourselves and our peer group.

Much anger in politics is due to frustration at being unable to achieve what one wants. Politicians get angry at one another because they can’t always get what they want. People in poverty get angry because they cannot get the jobs, or the income, and the lifestyle, they want. Children get angry because they don’t always get what they want from their parents. Dying people get angry with God or others either, because they are not getting well, or, because they are not dying quickly enough. They want to be in control of their outcomes.

Anger can be caused by hurt. When we are criticized we get angry. When we are falsely accused we are angry. When we are disappointed in others we get angry. We experience a strong desire to take revenge and to get back at the one who has hurt us. Anger causes us to lose control of ourselves. It motivates us to hate, wound, damage, despise, curse, scold and humiliate others.

How do you prevent the sin which is crouching at your door, which desires to have you, from mastering you? The answer of the New Testament is that we have to leave vengeance to God. “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

If we believe that there is a future judgment, and that our destiny is either Heaven or Hell, as Jesus has said, then we can be assured that our enemy will receive what is due to him. We have to trust that the Judge of all the earth will do what is right. It is God’s prerogative to decide, not ours. We have to let go our need to be judge, jury and executioner. In addition, we have to master the anger that crouches at our door. Either we control and dissipate our anger, or our anger will control us. If we give way to our anger, we are in danger of allowing demonic forces to come in the door of our lives and destroying our peace of mind. If we let them take over they will fill our lives with resentment. But if we ask for the strength of the Cross of Christ to come between us and our anger, we can learn to surrender our feelings to the love of God. If we can learn to pray for our enemies, we can turn the other cheek. We will be filled with the powers of heaven to become a blessing to others, even our enemies.

John Rucyahana is a bishop in Rwanda. He serves on the Board of Directors of Prison Fellowship International, is Prison Fellowship’s Rwanda Chairman, and is intimately involved in PFI’s ministry to bring reconciliation in Rwanda, known as the Umuvumu Tree Project. It is based on confession, repentance, forgiveness, restitution and reconciliation. It targets those imprisoned for committing genocide, genocide survivors, or their surviving family members, and promotes public education. First, you must accept personal responsibility, then you must repent to God, and then you must seek forgiveness from those you have wronged or their heirs.

When he speaks of the torture, rape and murder of his niece in the 1994 Rwanda genocide, he tells of God’s great forgiving love and how he came to forgive the men who had so brutally killed his beloved niece. “We must never forget,” he said, “that Jesus forgave us while hanging on the Cross. He did not wait for the pain to subside, but in that moment of the most profound suffering, he forgave us.”

Who do you need to forgive? Have you figured out where your anger is coming from? “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:31,32)

I need to be reminded of these truths of the Gospel. Our world, our nation, our political opponents, our family members, our neighbors, all of us need these healing words and turn them into actuality in our lives. I hope and pray I can do so.