What About the Children of Same-Sex Marriages?

What about the children? Children are the most vulnerable members of our society. They deserve the highest degree of protection from abuse or neglect. In recent arguments in the courts justices have cited concern for children when they have ruled in favor of same-sex marriages. They argue that marriage would stabilize the families of adoption, or of surrogate births or of sperm donors, to same-sex couples. Such designer families may satisfy the desire of the adults but at the expense of the future wellbeing of the children so conceived or adopted. The American College of Pediatricians summarizes the risks to children from same-sex parents as follows:

Research has demonstrated considerable risks to children exposed to the homosexual lifestyle….Given the current body of evidence, the American College of Pediatricians believes it is inappropriate, potentially hazardous to children, and dangerously irresponsible to change the age-old prohibition on same-sex parenting, whether by adoption, foster care, or reproductive manipulation. This position is rooted in the best available science. (Making Gay Okay, Robert R. Reilly p.149)

Carey Conley: “I built up a great deal of fear and frustration. I was angry that I was not part of a ‘normal’ family and could not live with a ‘normal’ mother. I wondered what I did to deserve this. Why did my biological mother let a lesbian adopt me? How could she think that this life was better than what she could have given me?…. During these years I talked with my sister about my feelings and problems. We discussed how we didn’t understand my mother and her lifestyle. We talked of how we resented her for placing us in such a situation, all the while knowing how hard it would be for us.” (Reilly p.150)

Jakii Edwards, who was raised by a lesbian mother and has written an entire book about it: “We certainly wonder if we will eventually become gay. There is humiliation when other kids see our parents kissing a same-sex lover in front of us. Trust me, it’s hard on the children, no matter how much they love their gay parent. The homosexual community may never admit it, but the damage stemming from their actions can be profound.” (Like Mother, Like Daughter? The Effects of Growing up in a Homosexual Home, Xulon Press, 2001, cited in Reilly, p.151)

The homosexual community would blame the suffering and alienation of children raised in such homes on the rejection of society. Society, they say, needs to change its attitude to homosexual parenting and embrace diversity in families. This is what is beginning to be taught in schools so that everyone will feel comfortable with the new ‘normal.’ In a reversal of values Dr. Richard Isay, a homosexual activist and psychoanalyst wrote in a letter to the New York Times that “homophobia… is a psychological abnormality. Those afflicted should be quarantined and denied employment.” Reilly comments,

The Isay remark is refreshing in its naked acknowledgement of the culture war. Psychiatry, psychology, and social science are being used as weapons in this war. There are two contending views of reality in which homosexual acts are seen either as disordered and immoral or as well-ordered and ethical. These two views are immiscible [cannot be mixed]. They cannot both be right, and they cannot both prevail. Either one or the other will succeed and be enforced. Dr. Isay was at least honest in putting forth the terms of enforcement from his side. (Reilly p.153)